Recharging and Restarting

       
        Hello again, friends and family.  I want to share my thoughts and what I have learned over the past month or so, that made me return to blogging.  I was urged in my heart to consider, "what if I took the pieces of my life, no matter what the world says they are worth and began to use them to help others flourish for the sake of Christ."  I believe God has blessed me with shareable moments in my life and a way through blogging to not only benefit me, but others as well.
        Tim Keller says that "meaningful work is taking the raw materials we are given and assembling them in a way that causes other people to flourish."  That is not only what I want, but my blog's goal.  "Personal fulfillment is biggest when we're involved in something bigger than ourselves, something for the good of others."  My blogging is not just a personal joy and reward, but it is one of the few tasks left that I can do alone without help from anyone and also, enrich the lives of others.  That is huge for me and I know it won't last forever.  So, one reason for returning is to do it while I can.  I exist for a specific reason and no one can express my thoughts from this life, like myself. 
         So, why did I take time off from blogging?  Well, there are a few reasons.  When I began my blog again after my fall, I was in a place of doubt.  I didn't think I would regain strength, but I did.  I didn't think I would survive the year, but I did.  I doubted God's faithfulness here on earth back then, but thought more of his eternal goodness coming to me.  So now that I am again in a time or season of wellness, I still felt the need for a break.  I wanted to have a short season and pull back to listen to God's will for me.  God has encouraged me through reading, "Made for This: 40 Days to Living Out Your Purpose", a bible study called "Stuck", and verbal messages from friends and family. I've been told that if your showing god to the world, you're on the right track.  May God have his way in and through me and let me have the courage and obedience to follow through with it.
         So, what will be different about my blog going forward?  I plan to be intentional by being more open, sharing hidden struggles and more memories on a personal level.  I've asked myself, "What has god given you here to show his glory?"   He has given me a natural gift to blog to show his supernatural powers that have blessed my life.   "What if we ran our race, despite our thorns and sin , and let God straighten us out."   1 Corinthians 2:9 "However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”—    the things God has prepared for those who love him— these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit."
          We all need to embrace our uncertainties and weaknesses.  In my upcoming blogs, I will write about certain weaknesses that I have felt called to write about, but my pride has held me back from doing it.  As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ''But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."   Some of our darkest moments are intended for good and those messiest of places can be our most fertile soil, in which we can share the gospel of Jesus Christ.   Our sufferings are useful, as in Romans 5:3-5 " we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces

perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  Our suffering is like our hurt for heaven, because we know life is short and temporary, earth is not our home and suffering is a privilege we share with Jesus.  2 Corinthians 1:5  "For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."
            Every calling has a cost, but offer yourself as a living sacrifice, dedicated to a service that is  pleasing to Him.  We must kill our fears and uncertainties because they are from the devil.  Romans 12:1  "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship."  

          I look forward to writing next week's blog and reading your comments.  Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  XOXO

40 days notes

personal fullfilment is biggest when we're involved in something bigger than ourselves, something for the good of others



embrace the thorns, battling Satan

what if we ran despite our thorns n sin and let god straighten us out

1 cor 2:9

god, have your way
then do it

embrace uncertanties

if your showing god to the world, you're on the right track

short seasons..ok to pull back n know gods will

know scripture, yourself, n needs around you

respond to need you see

1]time for everything, 2]comfortable, 3] thirsty, 4] run free

ask others for memories--reflection

hell is building heaven..god sees our sufferings

life=on purpose for a purpose

darkest moments intended for good

what has god given you here to show his glory?  natural abilities/gifts to show his supernatural powers

when do you feel gods pleasure

messiest places in our lives becomes most fertile soil

suffering..absorb it n let it change us or let it crush us

we live differently when we are crushed

romans 5:2-4

dont question gods love

genesis 50:20

we hurt for heaven...life is short, earth is not our home, suffering is a privilege

2cor 1:3-4

place in time...wherever you are, be all there,

colossians 3:12-15

you have a race no one else can run

you exist for specific purposes n no one can live them like you

war you feel..distractions

shrink back..why..physical, emotionally, relationally, spiritually

we must kill fear/uncertainty  b/c its from the devil

live beautifully, slowly, securely

b/c of grace we have nothing to prove

offer yourself as a living sacrifice, dedicated to a service n pleasing to him
romans 12;1

every calling has a cost

craving light..world

Identity and Dependency

“Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34




         Today's blog is about true identity and dependency, from my perspective.  I want my life to touch God, like the woman literally did in Mark 5:34, and be rewarded in eternity with no suffering.

  Who am I?
 Thankfully over the past 48 years, my identity has changed but my true identity has never changed since I was saved and born again.  My true identity is founded on being a follower of Jesus Christ, a daughter of the King of kings, a redeemed and forgiven soul, a chosen elect of God's family and a witness for the Kingdom of heaven.  Praise the Lord!  My earthly, temporal identity has revolved around being my parent's only child and daughter, a student to many different schools and universities, a friend to many, a wife and ex to one man, a parent to many animals, a relative to quite a few, being a lab tech, and a few more things that were enjoyed in this life but will pass away too.

   How did I get to where I am?
I was raised with expectations and not given a disability excuse to be any less than I could be.  During my school years, I did well, even when other students thought less of me because of my limp walk and braces.  For example, when I had to transfer to a high school with no stairs, I felt the need to prove myself and establish my reputation as a smart kid.  In my world history class, we played Jeopardy the day before a test to prepare ourselves.  Obviously with no one knowing me, the first game I was picked last for a team.  From then on during the school year, I was picked in the first 3 rounds.  How typical is it for us to care how the world around us, thinks of us.  Moral lesson:  Be confident and proud of who you are, regardless of the judging of others that don't matter.

    Did my planned path change? 
Yes, it did.  Ever since 10th grade, I geared my classes and plans toward being a pharmacist.  I graduated 13th in my high school class and then went to UCA for 2 years.  Then I got hit with the curve ball that I prayed for, I got engaged about the same time I was accepted into pharmacy school [twice].  I had to choose because marriage involved moving to Dallas, where there was no pharmacy school, or choosing a career path alone.  I chose marriage because I was so in love and thought it would last forever.  With my knowledge of knowing my disease was progressive, I knew working wouldn't last forever and relationships are more important.  I switched gears, I got married, took a year off from school, then pursued a degree in Microbiology.  In August 1994, I graduated with a B.S. in Microbiology from NIU.  After 2 years of sending out resumes and numerous interviews, I got my dream job with the State of Missouri, Dept. of Agriculture, Diagnostic Lab in Springfield, MO as a Lab Tech 2 with a focus on DNA testing.  This was a job that God knew I could do for just the right amount of time, 5yrs, before having to go on disability.  Moral lesson:  Follow your dreams but don't quit when the winds move you into a different direction.  Follow your heart over money or career, if needed.

    How do you go from an independent life to a totally dependent one?
First, none of us are totally independent.  As it says in John 15:5 "apart from me you can do nothing."  So as strong as you are today, you are disillusioned by your physical strength. “In Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). He supplies our very breath. He also meets our needs “according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19). God gives and takes away, over time or in a flash, according to His will, not ours. 
  Secondly, I am a woman of action, not excuses.  My disease is one in which there is automatic qualification for disability.  I could have sought out a government paid-off life, but that is not who I am or what I am about.  God didn't give me the brain-power and drive to sit on the sidelines and waste  away.  Happiness comes from growth and purpose.  God has blessed me with true joy and happiness throughout my life.  Sometimes in life, you have to be your own encourager.  I've felt ugly and I've felt beautiful, I've felt dumb and I've felt smart, I've felt weak and I've felt strong.   Guilt and shame come from people, not God! 
  Thirdly, God isn't trying to break me by making me progressively weaker.  God is teaching me to rely on Him and his provisions.  God knows my heart and that if my will was done, I would strive to be self-reliant and self-sufficient.  That's not his will, for any of us. "He doesn’t want our suffering to debilitate us, but when it feels like too much to bear, the promise of eternity and Christ’s presence keeps us from despair " "As human beings, we often have a difficult time perceiving what the Lord is doing in our life. We are limited by the passage of time, the confusion of present circumstances, and a lack of understanding regarding God’s goals and His means of accomplishing them."  " The Lord doesn’t want us to simply grit our teeth and bear hardship; He desires that we trust Him and bring glory to His name through our dependence." [intouch.org]
   Fourthly, I am writing these words in this blog mostly for myself.  I feel unhappy because I don't long for or have growth and purpose anymore.  I am gritting my teeth to try to get through each day but trying to stay strong in God's will for me.  It is so hard to be not only blessed by others but to have total dependence as well on them.   God  wants us to grow in Christlikeness, but He doesn’t want to break our spirit.  As this is my last blog, I ask that you pray I will finish strong this journey He has purposefully set for me.  May I live boldly, peacefully, and effectively for His glory.

        

“In Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). He supplies our very breath. He also meets our needs “according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

We need our Father for peace in our troubles (John 16:33), love (1 John 3:1), and help in time of need (Ps. 46:1; Heb. 4:16). He gives victory in temptation (1 Cor. 10:13), forgiveness (1 John 1:9), purpose (Jer. 29:11), and eternal life (John 10:28). Without Him, we “can do nothing” (John 15:5). And from Him, “we have all received one blessing after another” (John 1:16 NIV).

Let’s not think of ourselves as totally independent—because we’re not. The Lord sustains us day by day. In many ways, we’re as needy as a newborn baby.

“Daughter, your faith has healed you.g Go in peaceh and be freed from your suffering.” mark 5:34

Second, God gives us hope through His Son. He doesn’t want our suffering to debilitate us, but when it feels like too much to bear, the promise of eternity and Christ’s presence keeps us from despair (2 Corinthians 4:18). Our Father wants us to grow in Christlikeness, but He doesn’t want to break our spirit.

Third, God brings clarity through difficult times. As we learn that His ways are higher than ours, we gain greater understanding of His amazing attributes. At the same time, our self-awareness starts to sharpen, and old unproductive thought patterns begin to fade.

As human beings, we often have a difficult time perceiving what the Lord is doing in our life. We are limited by the passage of time, the confusion of present circumstances, and a lack of understanding regarding God’s goals and His means of accomplishing them. 

In Greek, the root word for “endurance” refers to the capacity to bear up under difficulty

The Lord doesn’t want us to simply grit our teeth and bear hardship; He desires that we trust Him and bring glory to His name through our dependence.

Talented or Not, Just Try

Psalm 66:8-10 "Praise our God, all peoples,
    let the sound of his praise be heard;
9 he has preserved our lives
    and kept our feet from slipping.
10 For you, God, tested us;
    you refined us like silver."

          Today's blog is about the importance of trying, despite what you think about yourself and how well you do.  "The main end of life is not to do but to become,” F. B. Meyer said. And for this we are being prepared every day.  The refining process may be very painful, but it will not destroy us, for the Refiner sits by the furnace tending the flame. He will not allow us to be tried beyond our endurance; it is for our good.  We may not understand why we have to endure such misery year after year. The ordeal seems endless and pointless.  God is placing us into a crucible in which we acquire patience, meekness, humility, compassion, and the other “quiet” virtues our souls naturally lack.  So don’t be afraid and don’t fret. Your present trial, as painful as it may be, has been screened through God’s wisdom and love." [odb.org]

        I want to be able to say one day, as in Job 23:10,  "When he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."  The older I get, the more I see how faithful He has been in not only preserving my life but filled it with goodness, mercy, patience, and grace.  He has also surrounded me with guardian angels, with super-strength wings of speed of protection.

       I want to share a couple of examples of where I've tried, despite my obvious lack of skill and learned from it:

1]  During my 7th and 8th grade years, I played the flute in band.  My teacher said I was so uncoordinated in the beginning that I couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time.  Yet, I improved enough and qualified to get in the marching band in the 8th grade.  I was never 1st chair or very good with my flute, but I do believe it helped my lung strength and capacity at the time.

    For some reason, I don't recall, I went to band camp at Henderson University in Arkadelphia one summer.   Band camp was a learning experience for me, not so much in flute but on physical needs.  I refused to wear my braces that summer, despite all the hills and walking.  I had to try and fail, to prove to myself that I really needed braces.  I realized my need for braces, when I fell and sprained my ankle at the end of the week of camp.  For my good try effort at band camp, I won the 'best camper' trophy.  What a surprise and joyful reward.

     Aren't life lessons often learned by try and fail methods?  God is so patient with us by giving us a new chance every morning when he wakes us up to choose him to follow.  I look forward to waking up with Jesus one day and receiving my everlasting rewards.

2]  During my married years, I gradually learned about computers.  I started out with simple arcade games and advanced on.  A big part of my free time was spent on a game called Acrophobia.   The game involved 3 to 7 letters under a specific category and you have 30 seconds to type in an acronym or phrase with the given letters. The game has 10 players who vote on the best answer.

      My pastime became an obsession, one might say.  I joined a game club, called Cloud9, and soon became the captain of my team.  Being captain meant finding team players, organizing games and running a website.   Captain did not mean best player, but I tried and used other skills to help my team.

      Our hobbies can become idols or a misplaced priority.  We must use moderation in all things.  I definitely overworked my fingers and can only type with accessible modifications now.  Even though I had fun, it was a misuse of some of my time.  God wants us to have fun and live an abundant life within his preordained boundaries and him as top priority.

3]  I attended a church where music lessons were taught to anyone interested, but mainly children.  I was asked if I had any interest.  I had the desire to learn, but didn't know of anything I could play with my physical limitations.  The teacher came up with a hammer dulcimer.  I took lessons for 3-4 years and performed at recitals twice a year.  I learned so much during that season of my life: humility, perseverance, and patience.
     I certainly was never very good at playing, but just taking the chance to try blessed me and others.  Sure I messed up in my practice and live performances, but if I hadn't a least tried, I would've already failed.

       "Christians are tried and purified when God uses difficulty to burn away our self-reliance, pride, and earthly wisdom. If it seems as if God is silent during this process and He is not answering our cries for help, He may be giving us an opportunity to grow stronger in our faith.  Pain and problems can produce the shining, rock-solid character that comes from trusting God when life is hard." [odb.org]

       God is shaping us everyday for his glory, through joy and pain.  "No one enjoys heartache. Yet God uses pain to mold His children. Although times of happiness are wonderful, times of suffering tend to produce more growth. Brokenness can highlight parts of us that try to act independently of God. If we have unsurrendered areas of our life, they may hinder our Father’s purposes for us."  We must try to do our best in this life, with his guiding.  When we try new things that stretch us beyond our comfort zone, you will not be the only one blessed.  Others will see your example and will be inspired, challenged and encouraged in their own walk with Jesus.

God's purpose is that we walk in intimate oneness with Him and serve effectively according to His purpose and will. To accomplish this, He has to break us of our resistance and self-reliance.

Time..How We Value It's Worth

Ephesians 5:15-16  " Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,  making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."


           Today's blog is about time and how we use it, spend it and waste it.   How often I hear from people in my own circle of life, that there isn't enough time for Jesus in a person's life in all different ways.  Although, there are countless hours for Facebook, television, drive-time radio, and partying.  Do you realize God is waiting for a moment of your time to lead, encourage, and bless you and your life?  "The way we use our time reveals what we really believe to be important in life. The Lord Jesus Christ spent time alone with God the Father, no matter how packed His schedule." [intouch.org]  Is your schedule busier and/or more important than Jesus'?  

           How we live comes from who we are, as we cling to the living hope found in Jesus alone, and there we will find strength to persevere.  For the believer, success can be defined as the ability to find the will of God for your life . . . and then doing it!  Success begins with wisdom and the fear of the Lord is where wisdom begins.  When we use our time to seek and know the Lord, we can build our foundation upon him and stand firm in all we do.

        Psalm 74:16  "The day is yours, and yours also the night; you established the sun and moon."
       "He is the Lord of time, and will be so, till day and night shall come to an end, and the stream of time be swallowed up in the ocean of eternity. Let us acknowledge God in the constant succession of day and night, and consecrate both to his honor, by working for him every day and resting in him every night, and meditating in his law day and night." {M. Henry]

           Psalm 106:43  "Many times he delivered them, but they were bent on rebellion and they wasted away in their sin."
          Just as the Israelites, we have all been at a point of rebellion towards God in our lives.  We have tried to run our lives on our own terms and ways, but we lead ourselves into trouble with that way of thinking and living.  Thankfully, God is full of mercy, truth and power and 'His will' will be done, despite us.  "God can change lions into lambs, and, when a man’s ways please the Lord, will make even his enemies to pity him and be at peace with him. When God pities men shall. Tranquillus Deus tranquillat omnia—A God at peace with us makes every thing at peace."  [M. Henry]


          Psalm 119:20 "My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times."
          Just as David had prayed that God would open his eyes and the law to him, in this verse, he prays for the desire to know God and his mercy.  This is how we should spend our time and reap the everlasting benefits from it.  Also, spend your children's time in ways of teaching them about God and his ways.  If you don't teach your children to love God, the world will teach them not to.  "If you want to be heard, don't follow the herd."

         "In everyone’s life, there tends to be one central issue around which all else revolves. Perhaps it is family, financial security, or a career. In a believer’s life, however, the first priority should be to seek God’s kingdom and righteousness (Matt. 6:33). People sometimes say, “I’ve made Jesus a part of my life,” but that is not enough. Jesus is life for His followers. Without Him, the believer’s life has no purpose or meaning. Seeking God’s will requires perseverance. Rather than simply taking life as it comes and reacting to each situation, we must make our decisions according to the principles of Scripture. Therefore, to seek God’s kingdom and righteousness means we make the pursuit of Christlikeness our primary goal."  [intouch.org]

        "God isn’t subject to time. Because he created time, he operates outside of time. He uses time to test your faith and to build your character. While you’re working on your goal, God is working on you. And God’s much more interested in you than in what you’re trying to accomplish, because you’re not taking your accomplishments to heaven. You’re only taking your character."  [R. Warren]

         As for myself, I see times in my life where God wasn't my top priority.  I, also, see those times as trouble-some and in need of more than I could give myself.  Now, more than anytime in my life, God is my top-priority, always on my mind and my leader in all decisions.  My life goal is to lead and encourage others to use their time in God-invested ways.

The time we have to do God’s work is limited, so we must use it wisely.

Who's Talking To You

Isaiah 26:3-4  "You will keep in perfect peace  those whose minds are steadfast,
    because they trust in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord,the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal."

Philippians 4:6-7  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Colossians 3:15  " Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful."

John 14:27  "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

Philippians 4:19  'And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

          Today's blog is about the voices in our head that we listen to and God's bigger plan.  "Peace is more than a mere word, idea, or feeling. It is actually an awesome gift of God that He gives to those who, through faith in Jesus Christ, belong to Him and walk obediently in His ways."   God provides peace to all believers, but when we feel like we are in a state of chaos, we haven't let his peace rule and govern our hearts and lives.

          "When we doubt His faithfulness, worry and fear will creep back in. We’ll dwell on all the uncertainties, forget God’s promises, and try to carry the burden ourselves."  This is when the devil wants to get in our heads and create lies that lead us to doubt God's goodness for us.  When we allow sin to control our lives, our peace with God is disturbed and our conscience frets.  "We must learn to trust His wisdom and be satisfied with His choices for us because only then will we have His peace."

           "When we depend on Him and l ive in His sufficiency, we not only experience His peace, but we also become a witness to others as they see how God can work in a life submitted to Him.  Courage is the quality of mind or spirit enabling one to meet danger or face opposition or the challenges of life with fearlessness, calmness, and firmness."

           Many situations in life have the capacity to make us feel hopeless and helpless.  Whatever the cause, the most important issue is how we respond to the situation. Perhaps we’d like to give up and walk away or blame God or someone else, but instead of simply reacting to our distress, let’s consider how the Lord would have us respond.  We should 1] Remember our salvation experience and remind ourselves of the trust we have put in God, 2] Remember that God has a purpose for each of our lives and there is purpose in our pain, 3] Remind yourself of the confidence you have in God's love, promises and his faithfulness, 4] Rely on the Holy Spirit within you to help you press on thru the difficulties you face in life, 5] Remind yourself of the commitment you made to live a life for God, as long as he gives you breath, 6] Turn to your believing friends for prayer, encouragement, and truth thru God's word.

        As for myself, I've faced many scary situations in life.  It wasn't until this past year's ordeal with my fall and subsequent brain bleed that I can say I truly felt helpless and almost hopeless.  I say almost hopeless, because I did doubt God's goodness for the rest of this life but I never doubted my eternal life's destiny.  Some say the devil was talking to me and creating doubt thru my pain meds but I only think that was partially true.  I thought a lot about giving up before I said it out loud.  Death is a reality, we will all face but it's not to be spoken of lightly.  I was fearful of the upcoming days because of the pain I had never experienced before but now knew all too well.  I also knew of a place from Revelation 21:4 where"‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”   I was never more ready to be there, even tho I had so much to lose, temporarily.  THANK GOD, I had a God that wasn't done with me yet and a strong support system to remind me daily of it.  God's bigger picture and purposes are so, so much bigger than what we could dream or ask for.

         So, I urge you to expect difficulties in this life but trust in God who is greater, bigger, and more powerful than anything you will ever face.  1 John 4:4  "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."  1 John 4:9-10  "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."