"Weakness" is not something that is part of our wants in our will of life, but it is a needed necessity as part of God's will for us. Weakness is a good place for the Spirit to begin it's work in us. Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." We would rather hide our weaknesses from others and let the Spirit work on an invisible level. 1 Corinthians 1:25 "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." The trouble with our hiding is that pride and anger can get a foothold and sin can take root, where God wants to use us and be glorified. Ephesians 4:26-27 "In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
So this week in my blog here, I will start my journey of sharing some of my hidden weaknesses to encourage others in their struggles. I've been encouraged to do this by Paul's verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
As many of you know, I have Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease, type 2c. The way this disease progresses is by damaging the nerve's myelin sheath. The nerves that are damaged go to the muscles and cause the muscles to atrophy. The distal muscles are affected first, so that's why my feet turning in and falling were my first symptoms. The weakness progressed to include my inability to walk around age 25. So, we come now to the great reveal that only a few close people in my life are aware of, to my knowledge. Maybe others know by assumption, not facts.
This blog reveal has been on my heart and mind for years, but pride has held me back. Psalm 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?" So, I will be bold, brave and write without fear about my weakness for God's glory.
My disease progressed to affecting my arms and hands about 10 years ago. I haven't been able to use my right arm at all since then and very little with my left arm. With that loss, I lost my ability to physically write by a pen or pencil. This loss is embarrassing and greater than one might imagine. Anytime I have to sign my name, write a check, send a thank you note or greeting card, or fill out paperwork... then I have to ask someone else to do it for me. Such a simple task, as coloring, I cannot do.
I used to have great penmenship. A friend wanted to leave a note on a guy's car once when we were teenagers and she said, "You write it for me, you write better than me." When I worked in the lab, one of my tasks was to fill out the log book for specimens received. Even back then, I could feel the loss of writing coming in the near future. So, I would rest my hand a few minutes and continue on.
One year, my dad took me to the DMV to renew my license, now known as identification, and I was asked to sign my name. After an aggravating discussion with the clerk about how I couldn't sign, my dad put his hand on mine and signed my name. The clerk was satisfied and as we left I said, "Sometimes you have to act stupid to please Stupid."
Even though I can't physically write with a pen anymore, God has blessed me with computer adapted technology to write here on my blog, by email and on Facebook. A friend told me not long ago in bible study, "but you paint a beautiful picture with words on your blog." Just this week, I was filling out paperwork for a doctor's appointment on my computer and I got to sign my name myself by using my cursor and moving my head. It didn't look far off from what my hand used to do.
God gives us all we need to fulfill His purposes through us. We may not have all we want or what we once had, but God's provisions are right, according to his will and purposeful.
