Friendships: What They Mean To Us..Part 4

 

            Today, we continue on with our discussion about friendships.  Our friendships are worth fighting for, we don't give up easily, and we stay through many different trials with each other.  But, sometimes there are unhealthy friendships that require us to put up boundaries or to distance ourselves. 

 ""Friends are like stars,they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow" -- Unknown

"You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with." -- Jim Rohn

Here are 23 signs to help you identify toxic friends by Ann Davis

1. They convey criticism --They're like snipers you don't know when they might strike, and their advice is a kick-to-the-stomach that makes you feel small and embarrassed.

2. They're smart.--They skillfully determine which direction you move and how fast you go. If you try resisting, they fill you up with guilt until you cave in.

3. They're covetous--They feel bitter when you acquire things they don't have instead of being happy for you.

4. They discredit you--They hold you in low esteem and spread lies about you. 

5. They lack empathy--They don't feel your pain.

6. They're untrustworthy--They disclose secrets confined to them which destroys the trust you put in them.

7. They're freeloaders--They take advantage of your generosity and give nothing in return. 

8. They're gossipy-- Their gossip is like a whirlwind, and it destroys your reputation in a short period.

9. They're unhappy--Always dissatisfied, complaining, discontent and misery are their companions.

10.They're self-centered-- They only care about themselves and don't consider you. 

11. Their life is a living drama--They live in "one life" and "another world" dragging you into their exaggerated lifestyles. 

12. They bully--They use your emotions to attack you. 

13. They're blabby--They talk too much.  When you do, they talk about you until you shut up.

14. They're judgmental--They pass harsh and critical judgment based on their own ideas.

15. They're liars--They habitually lie with every intention to deceive you. 

16. They're bigheaded--They are too stuck up to deal with and for the most part, they just talk about themselves.

17. They're stubborn--It's their way or no way. 

18. They're fussy--They're picky and needy, annoying and hard to please. 

19. They're resentful--They never give up their ruthless nature.

20. They're harsh--They get involved in fights over petty arguments. 

21. They're inconsistent--Their commitment to the friendship is hard to predict. 

22. They're pessimistic--They always believe the evil outweighs the good. 

23. They're cheap--They lack generosity and are concerned with just themselves.

"If you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s up to you to change it! Casting blame on the other person may be convenient, but it is generally unproductive. If you’ve been treated poorly by someone, chances are you’ve allowed it. So start by acknowledging your part, and focus on what you can do to change yourself.

The best way to know the difference between a toxic friendship and a healthy one is to hang out with people who aren’t toxic! Once you’ve made a connection with someone you enjoy being with, who doesn’t use or abuse you or your time, pay attention to what’s different about this relationship so that you can focus on finding those qualities in others—and being a true friend yourself."  [lifehopeandtruth.com]

"This perfect level of friendship may seem like an impossibility to achieve with any of your friends, and in fact, you’re right! None of us is perfect, so we all eventually disappoint or frustrate others. Having a great friendship isn’t about expecting perfection.

However, there is one friend we can have who is perfect in every way, and He wants to be your best friend if you’ll let Him.

In John 15:13-15 Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends, if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”

Jesus Christ died so that we might live, and His life is a testimony for us of what the truest of friends is like. We should all get to know Him better." [lifehopeandtruth.com]

Friendships: What They Mean To Us..Part 3

 

       Today, we continue on in our series about friendships.  Friendships are worth it, despite the struggle to find them, to discern out which ones are healthy for us, and to maintain them over time and changes in our lives.  We need friends, outside of our immediate family bubble.  We need others to relate with, to support with, cry with, share joy with, and pray with.  The ability to be vulnerable with someone else is a true blessing of godly friendships.  

       When we are looking for a guide to finding a true friend, a good place to start is the fruit of the Spirit.  Galatians 5: 22-23  " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."   We should use the fruits of the Spirit to not only gauge ourselves as a friend to others, but also as a gauge of others as a friend to us.  Are we pointing each other towards Christ within our friendship?  Our friendships are about having fun while doing things together, but it should also involve hard truths that help us become more like the character of God.  

"My best friend is the man who in wishing me well, wishes it for my sake."  [Aristotle]

"Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God's best gifts.  It involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of one's self, and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another."  [Thomas Hughes]

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘You too? I thought I was the only one." [C.S Lewis]

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." [Ed Cunningham]

        As for myself, I am blessed to call many people 'my friend'.  I do have a small circle of friends that are like my 'sisters and brothers', not just my sisters or brothers in Christ.  My friendships are diversified in many different ways by age, ethnicity, religions, gender, distance apart, personalities, and temperments.  I love to be around friends that are stronger in an area of the fruits of the Spirit than I am, especially patience.  When I am around them and witness a patient, self-controlled moment, I am not only in awe but I am convicted.  I know that I wouldn't have handled the situation with such grace and I have something to think about later and learn from it.  These moments are blessings from God and are part of my sanctification.

May God bless you with friendships that give you joy, truth, and convictions that draw you towards Him each day.

Friendships: What They Mean To Us..Part 2

 

          Today, we continue our talk on friendships.  God is concerned with who we call 'friend', what we talk about and do together, and if we are building each other up in Christ.   How do you know someone is a 'friend'?  Because they are a safe place to talk with, trust is valued by them, they are supportive, they are fun to be with, they are truthful even when it hurts, they encourage, and they point towards Christ.

         So, what draws us to someone that makes us want to be their friend?  Simalarities, personality types, looks like us, friend of a friend, same age group, listeners who truly listen, or someone who is a total opposite of ourselves.  There are examples in the bible of unlikely friendships too.  We see it in the bond between Naomi and Ruth.  Friendship can be more than kindness--it means loyalty, love and devotion.  It's a bond that will endure pain, personal sacrifice, and loss in order to remain loyal to another person.

Ruth 1:16-17  "Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” "

        What aspects of Ruth and Naomi's friendship can we take for our own friendships?  Their bond was between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, two generations, they provide and support for each other.  Its important for us to have friends from all different phases of life.  We can all learn from each other, whether it's 'yes, I've been there too' or 'no, I need help with this problem' or 'let's walk thru this together.'  God has great plans for diverse friendships, like Naomi and Ruth's.   Diversity in friendships keeps us from being one-dimensional and helps us grow in many aspects of our lives.  

        Our future friendships could be right around us, but we must be open minded, intentional, and get out there with other people.  We must strive to heal our broken relationships and be open to creating a friendship.  We must take initiative to getting to know others who we may not easily gravitate to.  Friendship can be a surprise blessing for both involved, so seek and you will find more than you ever thought possible in a 'true friend.'

Friendships: What They Mean To Us

 

         I'm working through a bible study on friendships.  God built us for community and one of those is the community of friendship. According to Wikipedia, friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association.  "True friendships are hallmarked by each member's desire to engage with the other - it's about mutual interest in one another's experiences and thoughts, as well as a sense of 'belongingness' and connection , Friendships require reciprocity - of admiration, respect, trust, and emotional and instrumental support."

      What are some words that describe a good, healthy friendship? Affable, affectionate, amiable, amicable, attentive, available, believable, brave, caring, cheerful, considerate, cordial, discerning, easygoing, empathetic, faithful, forgiving, funny, generous, gentle, giving, good listener, heartfelt, honest, humorous, intentional, jovial, just, manageable, meaningful, nice, open minded, polite, pleasing, respectful, reachable, sincere, simple, teachable, trustworthy, valued, vulnerable, worthy, yielding, and zany.   Not every friendship includes all of these descriptions, but they are a list of possiblities to strive towards.

      What are some barriers we face in finding or holding on to good friendships?  Being truly known for who we are and risking being rejected or unloved, Risk of being hurt because we are sinners, Transparency in deeper relationships opens us up for more vulnerability, Being less alone can be difficult but also good for our souls.

John 15:14-15  "You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

"Sin demands to have a man by himself.  It withdraws him from the community.  The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him."  Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

        Friendship is scary but it is wort the risk.  Isolation is riskier and that is where the enemy wants for us because it is easier for him to destroy us with negative thoughts and lies.  Join me in the coming blogs and learn more about what true friendships mean for us and our lives. 

 

Encouragement for Today

 

        Today's blog is a combination of encouraging finds that have lifted me up in some way over the past few weeks.  I hope that your heart is encouraged because we are all either in a storm that is testing us, or are about to be in a storm that we don't expect, or have just weathered a storm and can see God's faithfulness once again.

       From Louie Giglio.."I wait for the Lord to help me. I trust His word. — Psalm 130:5

The seahorse is a tiny fish that lives in the oceans.  It’s called a seahorse because its head looks like the head of — you guessed it — a tiny horse. This unusual creature often swims with another seahorse, and they link their tails to stay together. It also swims “standing up” and tries to blend in with nearby plants so it doesn’t get eaten. Because of its body shape, the seahorse isn’t a very good swimmer. So rather than go out hunting for food, seahorses use their tails like anchors, holding on to a piece of sea grass or coral. They then wait for food — plankton and tiny crustaceans — to drift by so they can suck it up with their long snouts.  With its poor swimming and its tendency to stay in one spot, the seahorse isn’t going to win any races. But God has given it everything it needs: a way to get food, someone to swim through life with, and something to hold on to. God promises the same to you. The Bible says, 

God will use His wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need. — Philippians 4:19 

God provides you with food and shelter, Jesus to swim through life with, and the promises of His Word to hold on to. Like the seahorse, you may sometimes have to hold on and wait for God to deliver His promises — but He always will, and at just the perfect time.

Help me, Lord, to wait for Your perfect timing. And while I wait, teach me to live the way You want me to. I will follow You!

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Another from Louie Giglio..."If God is for us, who can be against us? — Romans 8:31

 

The question is not simply, “Who can be against us?” You could answer that one. Who is against you? Disease, inflation, corruption, exhaustion. Calamities confront, and fears imprison. Were Paul’s question, “Who can be against us?” we could list our foes much easier than we could fight them. But that is not the question. The question is, If GOD is for us, who can be against us?

 

Indulge me for a moment. Four words in this verse deserve your attention. Read slowly the phrase, “God is for us.” Please pause for a minute before you continue. Read it again, aloud. (My apologies to the person next to you.) God is for us. Repeat the phrase four times, this time emphasizing each word. (Come on, you’re not in that big of a hurry.)

 

God is for us.

 

God is for us.

 

God is for us.

 

God is for us.

 

God is for you. Your parents may have forgotten you, your teachers may have neglected you, your siblings may be ashamed of you, but within reach of your prayers is the Maker of the oceans. God!

 

God is for you. Not “may be,” not “has been,” not “was,” not “would be,” but “God is!” He is for you. Today. At this hour. At this minute. As you read this sentence. No need to wait in line or come back tomorrow. He is with you. He could not be closer than He is at this second. His loyalty won’t increase if you are better nor lessen if you are worse. He is for you.

 

God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that’s God cheering your run. Look past the finish line; that’s God applauding your steps. Listen for Him in the bleachers, shouting your name. Too tired to continue? He’ll carry you. Too discouraged to fight? He’s picking you up. God is for you.

 

God is for you. Had he a calendar, your birthday would be circled. If he drove a car, your name would be on his bumper. If there’s a tree in heaven, he’s carved your name in the bark. We know He has a tattoo, and we know what it says.

 

‘I have engraved you on the palms of my hands,” He declares. — Isaiah 49:16

 

God is with you. Knowing that, who is against you? Can death harm you now? Can disease rob your life? Can your purpose be taken or your value diminished? No. Though hell itself may set itself against you, no one can defeat you. You are protected. God is with you.

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“Give ear to my words, O Lord.
Consider my meditation.
Harken unto the voice of my cry,
My King and my God.
For unto Thee will I pray
My voice shalt Thou hear in the morning.
O Lord, in the morning
Will I direct my prayer
Unto Thee and will look up.” Psalm 5:1-3

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From Lysa Terkeurst..."Bad things happen. Evil occurs. Tragedies crash in. At least for me and maybe for you, too, when suffering thrusts me to my knees, when the enemy causes me to be hemmed in on every side, when temptation comes, when false accusations arise, these questions start to percolate…

What’s going on in my heart?
What’s in my head?
What do I truly believe?
Where do I put my trust?
Where is my security?
What is coming out of my mouth?
What is coming out in my actions?
What is my steadfast determination?

I don’t want to stumble, or waver, or recede in my faith when storms rage and I bet you don’t either. We don’t want to wobble and get lured in temptation because it’ll just make things so very much worse.

Then, after desire has conceived it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. — James 1:15

Jesus redirects the temptation of the enemy with the Word of God.  In those shaken, or grief-stricken, or confused, or tempted places, we need the Word of God. Jesus was our example for this. We need to read the Word, know the Word, speak the Word, and let it permeate our lives and our choices.  If we aren’t digging deep to seek the source of Living Water, to seek the Word of God for ourselves, we will not have the grounding necessary to stand strong when the world’s ways try to pull us down. 

We long for what we look at and linger on. We steer where we stare. Where is that? What’s the focus? Is it on the One who loves us the most?

Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only. — Matthew 4:10

Doubts are normal, disappointment is expected, questions and worries are par for the course. But, in that crux of temptation, we must stay connected to the Word of God. Talk back to temptation using God’s own Words. Lean on God with all our strength. Use Scripture to speak to our thinking, doubt our doubts, and be renewed in our minds.

God knows best. He can be trusted. Seek Him. And, stay with Him.

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Notes that caught my attention...

"Fear is evidence of an eroded trust in God."  As for myself, I never want others to see me as not fully trusting God, but to only see my fears as my lack of patience.  I want to see my fears as room for growth and that God is still working on me.

2 Corinthians 4:15-17  "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

As for myself, I need to consider what's really on my heart.  Not if, but since God is working for my good, why am I not counting all of this joy?

Kingdom minded means there is a purpose for my pain on this side of eternity.

As for myself, I need to be as willing to suffer for God's purposes, as Jesus was for me.

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I hope and pray that you've been encouraged today for God's plan for you.

Not My Will, But God's Will Be Done

Revelation 21:4  "‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”


         I have continued on in my bible study by Lysa Terkeurst called "It's Not Supposed To Be This Way"..finding unexpected strength when disappointments leave you shattered.   This week is about living between the two gardens of Eden..from Eden in Genesis to Eden restored in Revelation 22.  This in between time is the life we are living now which includes anxiety, disappointments and sadness.  We are not in the perfect times which God first made, until sin entered, nor the time to come that God has planned to come.  We are in the hard, difficult days where our trust in Jesus is fully tested.  So where do we begin?

Start with what you know is true. 

         As believers, we know God is good. God loves me.  God has an unfailing love for us.  God will never forsake us.  God is steadfast in his love and care for us. God never lies.  God knew us before He created us in the womb.  God has a purpose for us, the pain, and the joys in this life.

      Hebrews 2:14-15, 17-18   "Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—  and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." "For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.  Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

       "He became man that he might die; as God he could not die, and therefore he assumed another nature and state. Here the wonderful love of God appeared, that, when Christ knew what he must suffer in our nature, and how he must die in it, yet he so readily took it upon him."  [M. Henry]

Turn your eyes upon Jesus. 

          We must look to Jesus, as our example, especially when we are hurting and discouraged.  He felt the same pain and sorrow, as we do.  There is nothing we have felt in this world that he hasn't.  Mark 15:23  "Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it."  D.A. Carson says "The 'wine mixed with myrrh' was a sedative that was intended to dull the pain and agony but Jesus refused to drink it."  "Jesus would feel all the pain so he could, on the cross, heal all the pain." [L. Terkeurst]

       Hebrews 3:1  "Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest."

       Hebrews 5:7-9  "During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.  Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him." 

       God chose to become man, as Jesus, and we can trust him to completely understand all of our hurts. Jesus learned thru his suffering and obedience that matured over time---and we can too.  Luke 2:52  "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."  "It is through the suffering that we are experiencing now that we will develop a perseverance to carry us forward then in what God sees coming our way."  [L. Terkeurst]

Trading our will for God's will.

Mark 14:36  "Yet not what I will, but what you will."

       "Where do I struggle trading my will for god's will?  We assume that we know what a good god should do. ..we make suggestions, felt stressed, anxious, talked w/others
but have you prayed w/a posture of humility?  You trade your will for his b/c you know he works all things out for good for those that love him.  We often say 'god bless this but don't mess with this.'"  [L. Terkeurst]

Matthew 6:10  "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven"....how Jesus taught us to pray.   May we always align our will with God's plan for us, even when it's not easy.  

        As for myself, the devil has tried to fill my mind with negativity, lies, and twisted thoughts.  So, this blog is written especially for me and anyone else who feels the same.  I feel like I'm being tested as I've gone through many different kinds of trials lately.  I've been sick and now well; been through the loss of a longtime, great aide; dealing with isolation; and definitely trying to accept God's will for me.
        So,  'Start with what you know is true'..I know that God's love for me hasn't changed and that He will work things for my good, as always.  My doubts and fears may try to get a foothold, but it's only temporary.  God grants me new mercies each and every day.  His hold on me is never any less.  Then,  'Turn your eyes upon Jesus' ..I have found great comfort in the verses friends have sent.  His Word is how I am reminded of who he is.  His Word is what destroys the lies that the devil plants in my head.  Lastly, and the hardest,  'Trading our will for God's will'.. I am not the one who gets to choose my life for me, thank goodness, or I'd been in the ditch a long time ago.  I have to understand that my suffering is purposeful to me and many others.  My aides are learning the gift of service in good times and bad.  My friends are learning that suffering isn't always so bad, there are joyful times.  Everyone in my life are witnesses to the strength of God's hand on me and what he has pulled me through time and time again.  God's will for me is to turn to Him as I suffer and obey till His Kingdom come.